How do you know when God says no?

The questions

I recently had a conversation with a friend who asked me if God answered my prayers. I said, "Yes", and he asked how often to which I answered, "Always."

He then responded, "What did you mean?" I said that God answers my prayers in one of three ways; yes, no, and wait.

He then asked two questions that I could not answer in simple ways, so instead I am writing this post to go into more detail.

First he asked, "So how would this work for a farmer who prayed for the rain to stop so that he could harvest his crops?"

Next he asked, "How is the 'no' answer conveyed?"

 I do not claim to be an expert in prayer, even Christian prayer in which I as a Christian pastor have some experience and on which I have had numerous times of training. In regular personal practice, I feel very inadequate and not very deep, but because I have had some training, I will attempt an answer to what I will admit are sometimes hard questions about when God does not answer a prayer in the way I want or expect.

The first response

The first way a 'no' answer can be conveyed clearly is simply that the request is not granted or perhaps even the opposite occurs. If we ask God for something definite, whether it is healing, material help, like a new job for example, or perhaps for the rain to stop so that we can harvest, then a yes and no answer is something that we can track in a particular time period.

I recently prayed for a healing for Nabeel Qureshi, a famous Christian apologist, who at 34 years old had stage 4 stomach cancer. In the last month, he died from complications of that stomach cancer just a year after getting the diagnosis. That was a direct 'no' to lots of people praying for healing, who by that meant long-term healing.

When praying for rain to stop, a no answer would be continued rain for long periods of time that causes the farmer not to be able to get the crops out and to suffer losses that year. An answer that perhaps is not a direct no, but is a wait would be for the rain to continue for awhile and eventually stop enough that the farmer can get his crops out. This perhaps comes with some loss of time and money, but not a disaster.

A current situation like this for us is that we have been praying for God to intervene and bring someone to buy our house in Minnesota that has been on the market for over two years. The answer has clearly been no to this point, but it has not been a disaster for us because we have had several renters that have helped us pay the expenses on the house.

But why?

A natural follow up question though is why doesn't God answer my prayers the way I want. Most of the time in these situations, what I or others request from God is not wrong in itself, and it is something that we want or something that we see as the best thing. The Christian God as described in the Bible though is not just a Santa Claus figure who gives us what we want when we want it, rather He is a God over the whole universe with an understanding that is bigger than our particular plans. Sometimes, our prayers might in fact fall in line with His best plans for the universe, but sometimes He knows the big picture better than us.

For example, in the case of the farmer here in America not getting his harvest, we could easily think of poorer farmers in South America who pray the God would help raise the crop prices so that they can survive another year. So God would allow poor weather in one area to help lessen the supply of crops worldwide and raise the prices for those who got crops that year.

In the case of our house, Traci and I have had the opportunity to help out several people in need of a short-term rental.

In the case of the death of a loved one like Nabeel or like my son Micah, I am not sure that we can or ever will (at least in this life) fully understand why they did not get to live a longer life like we would have desired. But God clearly does allow and yes even cause people to die and suffer in this world.

The one clear answer that we have about all suffering is that this world in its current condition is not the final answer. God clearly points to a better, eternal condition and that this world is simply a place on the way. Therefore, God's purposes are not wrapped up by making everything neat and tidy here, but rather by pointing to greater things yet to come.

While we do not always understand the bigger picture, sometimes we do get a better understanding of why God did not give us what we wanted and this leads to another way in which we understand that God has said no to a request.


The second response


After praying, studying and asking for wisdom, we may come to the conclusion that what we prayed for is not what we want anymore. If we are regularly searching the Bible and listening to wise counsel, we may come to the conclusion that what we desired was not what we should have wanted. James 4:3 talks about this type of wrong prayer "You ask and do not receive, because you ask wrongly, to spend it on your passions." If we ask for something with the wrong motive then God may not give it to us for our own benefit, and if we are continuing to grow we may come to realize that we did not get it because it was bad for us.

For example, we might desire a better job or a winning season, and come to understand that we wanted those things primarily for selfish reasons. This may lead us to change our lives in response to the prayer rather than continue to focus on the desired thing.

So I think we may say that God answered no to a prayer when the thing did not happen and we realize that we no longer want that thing, so we stop praying for it.


Conclusion


Sometimes a no from God is very clear, while other times it is not as clear. Perhaps God will give us that good thing in time (wait) or perhaps he will reveal that what we needed is something different. In all these cases though, the primary purpose in prayer is for us to communicate with God our desires and learn to trust him with the response. Knowing that the good God who made the world is in control helps us to have peace no matter what the circumstance.

Phi 4:12 — Phi 4:13
I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me.