A bruised reed he will not crush.

My personal scripture reading today included Job 5 & 6. In chapters 4 & 5 Job's "friend" Eliphaz, responds to Job's lament from chapter 4 (Job had many, many bad things happen to him and he was really hurting from them.) To summary what Eliphaz says, he reminds Job that God gives good things to good people and bad things to bad people, but if you repent from the bad things, he will give you good things again. The clear implication is that Job is suffering because of the bad things he must have done.

Now it is in general true that sin leads to suffering and that a righteous life produces better outcomes, so as a proverb about the general state of the world, Eliphaz is correct. God set the world up to be orderly and moral actions just like physical actions have consequences. But Job does not know of any specific or outward wrongs that he has done to justify the trauma that he is experiencing, so he responds.

He who withholds kindness from a friend

forsakes the fear of the Almighty. Job 6:14 

In other words, it is not kindness to rebuke a person in the midst of terrible suffering. Furthermore he asks,

Teach me, and I will be silent;

make me understand how I have gone astray. Job 6:24

If Eliphaz can point to a specific sin that Job should repent of then go ahead and do it. Job would gladly repent if it meant that it would ease his suffering. We learn from earlier in the book that repentance was a regular practice, so he would not even have resisted it. At the end of the book, when God challenges Job about his sin in questioning God, Job is willing to repent. But in this moment, Eliphaz is not aware of any sin, but rather he just makes a general accusation, which adds to Job's suffering. 

I have lived and ministered long enough now to have many instances of personal suffering and to have been with many others in their suffering. In the middle of painful situation, most people will not respond well to a rebuke, even if the suffering is directly related to their sin. They will either get very angry and defensive or they will get very depressed and withdraw. 

Jesus in quoting Isaiah says this about himself,

A bruised reed he will not break,

and a smoldering wick he will not quench,

until he brings justice to victory. Matthew 12:20 

When someone is already down, we need to be there, show that we care, and establish connection, otherwise they will not hear us when we have to come and talk to them about anything negative. We see this in Jesus's behavior toward sinners. He often approached people who were known sinners in his society, but if they were very repentant when they came, he treated them very gently, while still calling for them to turn away from sin.

On the other hand, I know that when suffering is related to sin, it is not loving the person well to never address the issue of their sin. So I am contemplating how should I approach people who are trapped in sin when they are suffering from the effects of that sin?

I think for me the first thing has to be making sure I establish connections and show people that I care. I also want to help the church understand this. We need to be a welcoming place to those who are hurting, even if their pain is caused by their own behavior. But we cannot be scared to speak the truth about sin and its consequences, and when we have established some relationship or when we are in long-term relationship already, then we need to be loving enough to confront sin even if that is painful

The apostle Paul did that with the Corinthians. He challenged some sin in their midst and it caused them some pain.

For even if I made you grieve with my letter, I do not regret it—though I did regret it, for I see that that letter grieved you, though only for a while. As it is, I rejoice, not because you were grieved, but because you were grieved into repenting. For you felt a godly grief, so that you suffered no loss through us.

For godly grief produces a repentance that leads to salvation without regret, whereas worldly grief produces death. 

2 Corinthians 7:8-10 

Here he distinguishes between wordly grief and godly grief. When someone is suffering the consequences of sin undoubtedly they will feel bad, but what we should desire is that it becomes a godly grief. A godly grief is not just feeling bad about the situation, but it is a pain that leads people to examine their life, discover the sin, and repent of that sin. His desire was that they use the opportunity of pain to repent of known sin (turn around and go the other way), so that they do not have to experience this pain again and so that they do not keep on causing pain and trouble for those around them.  

But for me actually knowing the right moment to talk to someone about sin in their life is very tricky. I suspect there is no one right way to do it, but rather that we need to remember some of the principles listed above and then treat each person and each situation uniquely. 

If you are reading this and are in pain due to hard situations in your life. I would encourage you to examine your life to see if there is sin for which you need to repent. God desires for you to come to Him. Jesus died for your sins, and His forgiveness is available. You may still face earthly consequences for your sin, but God wants you to come and receive His mercy, forgiveness, and love. The hard stuff is a form of God's mercy to let us know that we need to turn around and go another direction. He does not desire us to continue in painful behavior.

He can and does transform lives. No one is too far gone. His love is shown by tranforming people, and we find our ultimate joy in living in harmony with Him. Furthermore, when we allow Him to transform us, we also become the type of people that are good to those around us. 

Jesus says, "Come to me all you who are weary heavy laden and I will give you rest" Matthew 11:28.