The Goodness of Family

Have you ever taken someone for granted and not understood their importance until they were gone? Sometimes the good things in our lives are like background music that we don’t even know is playing. A few years ago, I was listening to a news report about how to fix some of the societal problems in depressed areas, and various solutions were offered such as better education, better healthcare, counseling, and more social services in general. I was fascinated that at no point did any of the reporters mention the word family or talk in any way about how to restore and/or strengthen families. Yet, I can show you in study after study that family breakdown precedes larger societal breakdown. Family is so fundamental to our well-being that we sometimes take it for granted and only feel its lack when we see so many people hurt by not having it.

Even Christian ministries can get so focused on doing social good and sharing the good news about Jesus that we can take family for granted. I was reading 1 Timothy 5 the other day where Paul is instructing Timothy and the church about how to take care of widows who would otherwise be destitute. In the midst of encouraging the church to this good social work, Paul makes this comment in verse 8, “But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.” The family was so central in society that Paul assumes that even non-Christians would take care of their relatives, and that the church should only have to come along and help those who have no family to take care of them.

The Bible story is a family story from the creation account of the first family to the Old Testament history which follows family lines, and into the New Testament where Christ comes to adopt people into a new eternal family. While the church should be a family, it is clear from Paul’s admonition that it does not replace the physical family. We were created to function best in families. Most men and women have a natural and God-given desire to have a mate and so should seek to get married. Marriage is one of the good things God has given us, and we should show and tell young people about its goodness. Further, kids were meant to be raised with their Dad and Mom in a secure marriage, and on average have much better outcomes when they are.

Even as we age, having family is the best social security that you can have. Just like in Paul’s day, it is still much better to have family to rely upon than an impersonal government program. The other day, I got to take a 4 generation picture with my dad, my son, and my granddaughter, and later this week, our family will celebrate my wife’s parent’s 50th anniversary. It is great being part of a legacy of faith and family that runs for generations. While none of us is perfect and our families are not perfect, our parents have given us a firm foundation upon which to continue building no matter what happens in the wider society around us.

Furthermore, families built on the solid foundation of Jesus have the physical and emotional resources to reach out in love to those in society that do not have that foundation. In my next article I want to highlight how the church can and should be a welcoming family to those who do not have that legacy of faith and family, so that their lives can be changed and solid families can be built that create new legacies.