Today, I read this little book, called The Miracle of Forgiveness by Nancy Stark Muyskens (thanks Bruce and Karen Carr for giving it to us!). In less than 100 pages, Nancy, who is a Christian Counselor, reviews a number of important spiritual truths about forgiveness and the related passages. Certainly, I have read and understood many of these lessons before, but I often need to be reminded of the same truths over and over because I face new opportunities to forgive, the daily need to be forgiven, and the opportunity to walk with others in their need for forgiveness and to forgive.
One of the truths that Nancy expressed was put in a way that I had not considered before and I wanted to put down for my own sake, but also to share with others who might not have heard it that way either. She talked about the ability to forgive versus the opportunity to forgive. Our ability to forgive rests not upon what someone else has done, but rather on our relationship with God. We need to know our own fallenness and need for forgiveness. When we repent of our own sin and understand God's grace and mercy toward us, then we can more honestly deal with the hurt done to us. Think of the Lord's prayer, "Forgive us our sins (or trespasses or debts) as we forgive those who sin against us." Matthew 6:12. Here Jesus instructs His disciples, those of us who follow Him, to first pray for forgiveness, and then offer forgiveness.
Later in Matthew 18:15-35, Jesus has a whole section dealing with correcting a brother and then forgiving a brother in the Lord. It is right and good to go to a Christian brother and correct their sin (verses 15-20), but then Peter asks how many times we should forgive them and Jesus answers 70 times 7. He then tells the parable of a servant who is forgiven a huge debt by the king, but who is unforgiving toward a fellow servant who owes him a small amount. The idea in all of these teachings is that our ability to forgive others rests not on what they do, but rather on understanding how great God's forgiveness is toward us.
So when we have done our hearts are prepared to forgive someone who has sinned against us, but as Nancy pointed out, we cannot forgive them and have a restored relationship until we have the opportunity to forgive. This opportunity is not dependent upon us but rather upon the other person and their willingness to repent before God and those they have sinned against. We can and should come to God to get the right attitude about forgiveness so that we can have peace and joy and the ability to forgive, but we cannot forgive someone who is not repentant. Even God does not forgive the unrepentant. Because of the sacrifice of Jesus on our behalf, He stands ready to forgive when we come with a repentant heart, but He does not forgive until we repent. Likewise, we may be ready to forgive and have the responsibility to go to a brother or sister and show them their sin, but we need to wait and pray for the opportunity to forgive until God works on their heart so that they can see their see it and repent of it.
I recommend getting this small book and reading it for the many great lessons about God's miraculous forgiveness toward us and how He can miraculously work in our hearts to forgive others.
